Flight attendants don’t need clothes. 

(crickets)

(My mother’s voice tentatively whispers in my head, “Dear, is that what you really meant to type?”)

I know it's not an entirely accurate statement, but it’s a thought that popped into my head today.  Now that it’s written out in bold typeface font, I realize that I’ve made a very confusing and somewhat suggestive-sounding declaration!  I’m not saying that flight attendants don’t need uniforms.  Goodness, no!   No, no, no, no, noooooo.....

No, I’m quite happy wearing a dozen layers to keep my figure conservatively covered while the eyes of over 150 passengers gawk at me during the safety demonstration, thank you very much.  (Hmm...now that I think about it, I’m not sure if even Superman’s x-ray vision could pierce all the layers I wear!  Outer sweater, vest, shirt, undershirt...)

Okay.  Let’s start over.  I’ll try this again.

Flight attendants hardly need clothes besides their uniforms.

Much better!  And, it’s true

I’m going to get personal with you about my dirty laundry!  (YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!)  So, here’s the deal.  In the last month I’ve lived on two pairs of jeans, three sets of gym clothes, two nice shirts, and one cute “going out” getup.  That’s it!  (Well, besides the undergarments, but yeah...not going there. )

It’s really kind of sad, isn’t it?  I used to LOVE dressing up and looking nice.  In my former life, when I had a REAL job, I would start my day thinking, “What sort of look should I put together?”  Then, flicking through the hangers in my walk-in closet I would murmur, “Maybe something cute, something comfortable, something preppy...” 

Those days are long gone!  When you live out of your suitcase and your free time is limited to a handful of hours during which you hibernate in your hotel room like a squirrel during winter, there’s hardly any motivation to mix and match!  (The hibernation may be part of my problem...)  In fact, for the past month I’ve been stuck in a vicious cycle that goes something like this:


So you might think, “But won’t society judge you for wearing the same clothes all the time?!  Wouldn’t peer pressure motivate you to swap out your stuff?!”

NO!  Why not?  There is no peer pressure!  My airline is so large that my co-workers are different on every flight!  If they spot me on a layover, they have no clue I'm wearing the same v-neck shirt I wore on the last four layovers!  To top it off, I’m in a different city every trip so not even the hotel staff knows my dirty secret!  Thus, my cycle of laziness continues!  I figure, the only way to end it is a public shaming.

I AM ASHAMED OF MYSELF!

(bows)

And now, with my public shaming complete, I will finally go clean out my suitcase and find a new set of clothes for the month of February.  :)

Happy flying, readers.
-Jenn Grahams


 

    Jenn Grahams

    is a flight attendant and an aspiring writer.  She lives in the Midwest with her husband, many pet fish, and two chinchillas named Kuzco and Pancho.

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